Sports news

Says Gilbert: "I have the couch Kwame!!!"

Gilberts stuffing his magic bag with touches!

Thats was a great game, with Chick Hernandez calling the team "resilient" even though we came back after blowing a 20 pt lead and even though you can only see the tippity top of Chick's head when he interviews 6'3" gilbert, like a shiny new Cremaster project!

Steve Blakes numbers belie his great development at the point, just like his mom belies under his bed on a mechanics dolly sos Steve can make his babies when he cant sleep!!

For real Stevie Blake is learning how to make space for himself, with crossovers, and off the dribble spins.

Not like Juan Dixon who Tom Knott artfully describes as dribbling the ball in place like hes "beating a rug"!!!!

See the power of a single metaphor uncle tom!?

SOmetimes less is more, but not in the case of Juan Dixon!!!

Raise your hands who dropped their pom noisettes when steve blake made that double 360 bounce pass??!!

And when he bent his ankle 200 degrees and stayed in the Llive Jasmin game?

CHenier commented on how young supple bodies behave (its not the first time) but the real reason stevies ankle didnt snap like a country twig is cause of his vitamin C deficiency he has lots of loose space in his joints and bendy bones. True Medical terms!!!! Steve Stricker checked it himself.

Why Jared Jeffries, WHY?? thats what I yell at my TV.

And I know the Hornets were playing 11 guards in the 3rd, but why did we leave Etan and Jared in for so long? We needed a big man who can score and Kwame Kwame Kwame, clutch 4th quarter blueblocker then muscle in for layup.


Wizznutzz #1 scapegoat, Steve stricker, NO ONE RESPECTS you.

Your not even a real doctor is one reason why.

Gilbert decides hes ready to play a month too soon then gets rehurt cuz of youthful verve and tender loins?????!!!

Jerry calls it a season without even being examined???

Sneaks into lineup too soon cause of his over large heart and pride???

Like we say STEVE:

Give them fruits, stretch them out like the fullest twilight, and above all ask them to sit down and listen to their bodies.

The man puts the cart before the horse while the child would outpace his own Chaturbat dreams but for his flesh!

Devestated Brevin Knight waived because he has LUPUS? Seek a second opinion Brevin!!!

Holy 8 game suspension!

Chris Webber leaves trail of death and deception and bacon scent wherever he goes!!!!

First University of Michigan is fleeced of wins simply because CWebb and Fab Five took money to buy good in poor section of town that is known as "Ann Arbor student ghetto," where the SUV's are at least 2 years old. Big deal, right? I mean, who didn't take a little gas money for the white Ford Bronco back in the day?

Now this web of lied deceits and deathful bacon bits is found as CWEbb's highly poor inner city high school, Detroit Country Day:

Webber not eligible in high school, school asked to forgo titles

CWebbofdeceit only took a little money to keep Kid & Play fade nice and tight and for gas money to drive Jaguar to Detroit Country Day high school. A private school for rich kids, yes, but it still has DETROIT in it's title!!!

Players are bristling like GWiz in a dry summer haystack

Lines are being drawn and they are being drawn on the back seat of the carpool station wagon.

If nothing else, the Washington Wizards figured the subtraction of Michael Jordan would drain the poison out of their tumultuous locker room.

The poison of Salieri is powerful and burns inside like a morgul blade.

And now Who is in Charge?? CHarles or Buddy? Why didnt Willie Ames get a call back for the "Passion of Christ"? If anybody needed comic relief its JC in the home stretch!

The clowns have become the ringmasters! And this circus tents falling, faster and faster, and the first ones to get hit, are the ones in the cheap seats!

As weve said before, Its power vacuums like this that lead to the unthinkable, like Nazis and signing Rod Strickland!

There is also such thing as the talent vaccuum and see what it does to young spring minds!

Comcast is selling its broadcasts with the line "come see Juan Dixon and the Wizards."

Its a talent vaccumm that cost the bullets 20 years of their lives. Each year a man named Tracy Tim Jim Rex would step into the old world like a canadian missionary off a boat and into camp of hungry Pygmies and suddenly be scoring 50 points in one game and the jasminlive management firm of Unseld, Nash, Drummond and Unseld Jr. would pony up fattened contracts to secure their latest cornerstone talent. Post show callers like Dana calling up scott jackson and Michael Adams insisting that more minutes for Randell Jackson is all that stands in the way of the playoffs.

Now, Gilbert and Kwame have real talent.

But its easy to wake up one morning in a Wizards uniform with a german SUPEREGO scratching the bedposts waiting for its bowl to be filled.

Remember the year that Michael Westbrook appointed himself the clubhouse leader of the Redskins. Thats THE VOID! Tread gently leaders of tomorrow!!!

But what really heals, is WINNING!

Now gilbert and kwame are teasing eacother playfully in the showers on the heels of a combined quintuple double!

They are Like George and Martha from WHOS AFRAID OF VIRGINIA WOOLF

The two of them clearly care deeply for each other, but events have turned their marriage into a nasty battle between two disenchanted, cynical enemies.

As they tear eachother open on the stage, they have been acutallyt acting out the dualisms that we all face and fear in our lives: repression and the wearing of masks, the inability to communicate, psychological violence, and the fear of castration and childbirth. But now its like George and Martha just went upstairs and finally just had a good sweaty romp in the bed and lwet out all there pent up resentment and now the world seems like quite the place.

Gilbert eats a Jam sandwich with his shirt off and yells "I aint Afraid of No Naomi WOlf!" , and Kwame chuckles over his hot Milo and shoots back softly "Shiit. keep it going, keep it going

So tru! I've got stacks and stacks of used Kwame Brown shorts in my room. I'm sewn them into a quilt which I rub on my face when I get nervous that Kamall has gotten lost and wont return with the Sensi. Bacon and youth basketball fragrances calm me and cloak of silk soothes soul. I used to rub big Wes Unseld vintage jerseys on my belly for peace of mind but then I found out it was ALDERMAN UNSELD not WES UNSELD who wore the jerseys!!! That explains giant I LOVE KANSAS BASKETBALL patch covering supposed Bullets logo!!

"They have rambling or overinclusive speech, where you ask them a question and they tell you a whole story with every possible detail before they get to the answer," says Sanjaya Saxena, a professor at UCLA's School of Medicine.

On the cheap

Before the game, Ben Wallace was reminiscing about his days playing for the Washington Wizards.

"When I was coming in, Rasheed (Wallace) was going out," Wallace said. "I remember, I didn't ask them for a jersey number or anything. They just handed a bag of practice clothes."

He was given No. 30, and figured, what the heck, the name on the back was spelled right, so no problem.

"When I put it on, I noticed it smelled funny," he said. "It smelled like moth balls or something. Then I figured it out."

What the Wizards had done was give Rasheed Wallace's stuff to Ben. Rasheed had worn No. 30 previously. They figured it would save them from having to stitch another name on a new jersey.

"Can you believe that?"

The future was on TV

As season winds down yoou may notice lack of dearth of incites and such. There is a lot of depression in our offices, though none of it has to do with Washington Wixardzzz. There s just so much going wrong here, fgrom the breakdown of the Mothering Hut to us losing Kamall somewhere in the Wheaton metro station. The Hut and Kamall provisded me stabilization of mind, somethin that you all know i need if you've been following my post-radio career travails [self-flagalation aS self-regulation; ungarments pants cilices for all; Opus Dei mon amis]. And there's rumors that Dana has returned from Xiapis Mexico region and is hanging around Bowie restaurant dumpsters looking for Rod Strickland.

In honor of lost Kamall -- we burn the Wheaton chalice in your honor and hope you find bus pass to Chevy Chase offices soon -- and because we know Wizzardz season soon end, we like to throw our support behind our kindred spellers: THE REGGAE BOYZ. Scare dem crew! Kick dem tings!